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Vanessa Murnane and Lindsay Browning - April 2023

Azuma’s Moon 

Facing the Dark and Light Sides of Our Personalities and Finding Happiness in Life’s Little Contradictions.

Hi, I'm Vanessa, one of the co-founders of Azuma's Moon. I want to kickstart a discussion about how our youth and the experiences we went through during that time may have left lingering impacts on our psyche, creating spaces (what I like to call “pot holes”) for darkness to linger.

I'm curious to hear how your childhood and teenage years have shaped your perspective on life and how it may have influenced your vulnerability to depression. Do you feel that these topics are being discussed openly enough? Let's dive into it!

I. Want. To. Start. A. Conversation. About. Depression.

As a woman in her very late 30's and with a child, I think about this subject a lot because it is always there waiting to come up and surprise me.

It's true, depression can sometimes feel like it comes out of nowhere, especially as we grow older.

It's something that weighs heavily on my mind too, especially now that I have a daughter. I want her to experience as little of it as possible, but also have a healthy understanding of moods and feel comfortable with not always being okay. It's important to me that she develops a positive relationship with her emotions and knows that It’s Okay To Not Be Okay at times.

All of this leads me to the questions:

1. Did we grow up in an era where it was too much of a downer to talk about our sadness and were we supposed to be happy like Britney Spears but only when she's not having a mental breakdown and shaving her head? Because, is it just too much to see someone suffering? Remember how ruthless the media was towards her?

2. Exactly how affected were we affected by seeing models come down the runways looking starving but pretending all was good and happy? And were we supposed to feel and act the same? Hungry but still pretty happy because our f*cking low rise jeans fit okay?

3. And do our youth feel okay to have dark days…out in the open? Because we certainly were not allowed. We would have been labeled goth or alternative and back then it was not so mainstream to be either of those labels. Do the youth have more freedom to be depressed? And by freedom I mean: the ability to be depressed out in the open without such harsh judgment and/or rebuff.

Lindsay... thoughts? 

Well, here we go. I’m Lindsay and I have a passion for talking about the how’s and why’s of life.

Why am I the way I am?
How much are we actually shaped by our childhoods?
Why does Vanessa cry so much? Lol...just kidding.

But seriously, I could talk for hours, with anyone, about the psyche. The mind intrigues me and also scares me. I imagine that’s why you’re here though, you’re intrigued by the dark and winding tunnels of the mind. Yeah? Okay enough of that, let’s get into it.

I think we all knew how toxic the rail-thin models and pop princess Britney of the 90’s/’00’s were. But we were the children of the boomers, and they were the children of the silent generation, which means that we were taught to suffer in silence. Feeling sad, worried, anxious, hopeless, HUNGRY? Suck it up and put a smile on your face, you look better that way ;).

These days with our kids and all, I think they feel safer to talk about it. Or at least that’s the goal, right? That’s why we’re talking about this, get it out there.

Mental illness is a thing and it's a common thing! It’s an okay thing.

I’m going to wrap up my thoughts by saying that I don’t remember when or why my sadness/unease started setting in. I was very young, late 90’s. Probably around the time I went from idolizing Barney to idolizing the Spice Girls. Doesn’t actually matter… I wasn’t able to express those emotions to anyone. Or I didn’t feel like anyone would want to hear about it. I was an emo kid with a curious mind and a love for the darker side. More on that later. What are your thoughts? ~Lindsay

<sup>Azuma’s Moon is a platform created by two passionate sisters who are no strangers to their own emotional struggles, but who also share a deep love for therapy and finding happiness in unconventional places, like Cobain and grunge music.

We're all about exploring life's little contradictions and opening up discussions on mental health topics in a way that may challenge toxic positivity. It's our own way of dedicating a part of this silly existence to finding joy in unexpected spaces. Get it?

Basically, we aim to be Karen’s absolute nightmare. This shit’s too real.</sup>